Over the years, I have realised that the essence of the work I do with clients using EFT can be distilled into a simple concept: One-ness. What do I mean by this?
When people come to me for EFT, they are usually seeking help in dealing with negative feelings or negative patterns of behaviour that they feel powerless to change, or with a negative life situation in which they feel stuck. They long for change, but feel unable to make it or even see how it is possible for change to occur.
When we consciously desire something, be it more loving relationships, better health, or to gain confidence and happiness in ourselves, and we struggle to achieve it without success, we are really struggling with a part of ourselves, with which we are not fully in touch or conscious of; there is an inner division or split deep within us, almost as though we are reaching out to something with one hand and pushing it away with the other.
-We claim to want a committed relationship, and yet keep choosing unavailable, uncommitted partners.
-We say we love our partner, and yet keep sabotaging or destabilising the relationship.
-We long for a life change such as a new career but fail to take action on bringing into reality.
-We want to be a certain weight and yet don’t adopt the eating and exercise patterns that will lead to it.
It is almost as though we have multiple or fractured personalities, some of whom we accept or identify with, and some of which we deny, suppress or are even unaware of. The problem is that these hidden or rejected parts of ourselves, often held in our subconscious, actually control our behaviour and our lives as much, if not more, than the parts of our personality that we are in touch with.
Here are some examples of hidden or subconscious parts of the personality operating:
“Why did I say that?? It’s so unlike me.”
“I can’t believe I have landed up with yet another guy who won’t commit.”
“I don’t understand why I can’t just seem to get on with it.”
“I was doing so well. Why did I go and binge last night?”
“I try so hard but never seem to get anywhere.”
I see these fractured parts of the personality almost as family members that have been driven out of the family home into the dark and cold, where they operate like guerilla fighters, causing damage and mayhem in our lives. In order to heal, one-ness needs to be restored: they need to be invited back into the warmth and light of the “household” or Self, allowed to have their say and be lovingly accepted. Only then do we gain proper clarity and healing, and from this new united “household” or self comes the possibility of real insight and transformation. Going through this process means allowing ourselves to accept sides of ourselves that may not fit into our self-image:
“I realise that actually I love having the freedom to live my life the way I choose. I need a partner who allows me space and independence as well as commitment – I don’t want the kind of relationship my parents have.”
“I realise that I feel angry and resentful. I love my partner but my needs aren’t being met and we need to make some changes.”
I thought I should aim higher because my family all think I could do better. But actually I love my current job – I may not be rich but I find it fulfilling and enjoyable.”
“I am scared to lose weight. If I reach my target weight I won’t be able to make excuses not to get out there start living – and the thought of failing terrifies me. I realise that my lack of confidence goes deeper than I thought.”
When we reach a state of self-acceptance and inner unity, we stop fighting with ourselves and being tugged inwardly in different directions. We become more focused and intentional and clear about what we really want – or don’t want. We begin to move forwards with power and purpose, achieving our goals with greater ease now that the “handbrake” of internal conflict has been released.
How does EFT help?
EFT is incredibly effective at clearing away the clouds of surface emotion that obscure what is really happening. It helps us to connect more easily with the hidden, subconscious parts of ourselves, and to accept them with love and compassion, creating a state of inner unity – like getting every part of yourself “on board” and working together towards your goals.
Meditation is another invaluable tool in bringing together the different parts of our personality to create a state of one-ness. I have practiced Heartfulness meditation for many years and while I can’t claim to have reached a perfect state of inner one-ness, it has certainly given me much deeper insight into myself and has helped foster a greater feeling of self-acceptance and inner peace. I am happy to teach this simple technique of meditation on the Heart free to anyone who wishes to learn it so please get in touch with me if you would like to know more.
Please note that I am happy to work with clients via Skype as well as in person.